


heart made of glass my mind of stone

by CassandraStarflower



Series: whenverse [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Multi, No Dialogue, Richie is a Sad Baby and i hate this, Richie-centric, and hurting, i have never written in this style, in which Richie is sad, present tense and very experimental, rated Mature because this deals with mature concepts, set within the whenverse but can be read without reading the other fics in the series, though I would love it if you did read them, why did i hurt him like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 16:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraStarflower/pseuds/CassandraStarflower
Summary: There is no grand resolution. There won’t be.Richie sees the missing poster.His smile hurts his face, and he turns away from his friends for a moment, fighting to control his expression.It still hurts.--An exploration of Richie, set within my whenverse. This should make sense (hopefully) without reading them, though of course I’d love it if you did!	;)In which Richie badly copes with sexual abuse, child abuse, and Pennywise.





	heart made of glass my mind of stone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [selenestarflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/selenestarflower/gifts).

> so again, I have never written like this, and it’s not meant to be totally chronological. I’ll summarize it in the end notes.   
Title is from the very beautiful and sad song ‘lovely’ by Billie Eilish and Khalid.

There is no grand resolution. There won’t be. 

Richie’s mother is too drunk to notice Patrick climbing in through his window. 

His father is working and cheating and doesn’t give a shit. 

Richie hides. 

He smiles more, and bigger, and his jokes get fouler, and Stan starts giving him odd looks. 

Richie starts stealing his mother’s concealer. 

Nobody notices the bruises. His mother doesn’t notice her missing makeup. 

Nobody notices the scratches, and Richie lines his sides in band-aids. 

By the end of the school year, Richie feels like he’s drowning every day. 

Summer starts and he walks outside with his friends, trying to ignore Patrick looming behind him.

Summer starts and he’s filled with relief because now he can hide better, stay away easier. No more getting cornered in the bathroom. 

He and his friends save Ben from the Bowers Gang and then they go swimming at the quarry. 

Ben invites them over. 

On his way out, Richie sees the missing poster. 

His smile hurts his face, and he turns away from his friends for a moment, fighting to control his expression. 

It still hurts. 

Sometimes his jokes are too sharp or hit too close to home even for him. 

Pennywise doesn’t help. Richie’s trapped alone in a room in Neibolt and the monstrous clown taunts him, calling him awful names. Richie puts his hands over his ears and screams. 

Bill saves him, and for a moment Richie lets himself cling to his friend, but the monster interrupts with a horrifying fake Eddie, vomiting all over the floor. 

They make it out of the house mostly intact. Eddie breaks his arms and none of them make it out with full sanity, but Richie’s not too sure any of them were totally sane to begin with. 

He certainly wasn’t. 

He probably goes too far shouting at Bill. 

His face hurts from the punch, and his stomach is roiling with betrayal, and he can’t breathe. 

_ Bill hit him _ . 

And then It takes Beverly and Richie doesn’t bother thinking too much about what they’re doing. Charging straight into It’s lair. 

He doesn’t really have to think before swinging the bat into It’s face, either. 

Bill cries over Georgie’s rain coat and Richie kneels beside him, hesitating, then settles his hand on Bill’s back, trying to offer comfort. 

One month later, they make an oath. Richie feels like this means something, that he’s truly part of this now. 

Whatever  _ this _ is. 

Beverly moves away for a few months, while her aunt gets ready to move to Derry. The Losers Club bands together tighter in her absence, but even after she returns, Richie feels like he’s drifting. 

Kids whisper in the hallways and stare at him. He knows this was inevitable, after what happened in the arcade. 

_ He just wanted it all to go away _ . 

He starts climbing in through Stan’s window at night, trying to escape his house and…  _ everything _ . 

Sometimes, when he’s lying in Stan’s bed and Stan is holding him and the house is quiet, Richie feels okay. 

Sometimes, when he’s half-asleep in his own bed, there’s a creeping sensation of hands all over him, or he thinks he hears his window creaking as someone climbs in, and he jerks awake and searches his room and double- and triple-checks his window locks and the lock on his bedroom door. 

He never gets back to sleep on those nights, unless he steals one or two of his mother’s sleeping pills. 

One or two. 

He reads and rereads the label, trying to figure out how many would just make him sleep. Forever. 

The summer of ‘89 starts getting fuzzy. 

The Losers don’t hang out as much. 

Richie curls up in his bed and stares out the window, half-imagining someone climbing through. 

It’s not like his mother ever uses her pills, anyway. 

Two years pass. 

It’s December and Richie can’t take it anymore. 

They never hang out anymore and Richie’s treacherous brain whispers  _ your fault _ . 

Stan holds him while he cries. 

It’s December and Richie can’t take it anymore. 

He still wakes up, thanks to Stan. 

Stan holds him while he cries. 

His parents start to pretend they care. 

Richie spends more time at Stan’s house than he does his own. 

The Losers start hanging out a little bit more. 

A year passes. 

Ben has a book. A strange book. 

Time rewinds. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this made sense.   
So, to summarize: Richie is sexually abused by Patrick Hockstetter during the time between Georgie’s disappearance and the end of the school year. The canon timeline occurs within the story, mostly covering important points that have an impact on Richie’s mental health. Bev moves away for a few months, returning in early 1990. People gossip about the arcade scene. Richie copes badly with everything by bottling it all up and using his mother’s sleeping pills to try to sleep. The Losers starts forgetting and drifting apart. Eventually, in 1991, Richie attempts suicide via his mom’s sleeping pills. Stan finds and saves him. The Losers start hanging out more thanks to Stan’s valiant efforts. Then, we reach 1992, and that is when “when the good times come it’ll all be that much better” kicks in.   
Thank you for reading. Seriously. I am not expecting many people to read this. If you do, and you like this, please leave kudos and/or a comment!


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